20th post

WOOT!
the 20th post le.
the post that you've been waiting for wor dar dar.
but i dun think iie will tell euu tt iie wrote the 20th post yet.
hahas.
wanna write more more then gib euu see.

please be reminded that the things written here is all from my heart.
not mind.
tt's why took me so long to write 20 post.



2.40am




haiis...
dar dar...
iie feel so XIM SUAN.
sad n happy dehhx feelings...
iie realli wanna let euu know how iie feel...
but...
iie dunno how..
iie could only express it here.
iie realli wanna let euu read this blog so badly too.
so you'll understand my feelling n all...
but i'm worried...
somehow i'm worried...
wad if u understand it in another way n dun wan me or smth...
iie dunno...
iie may nt be begging for the chance...
but...
i'm sure that....
i miss you...
i need you...
and surely,
iloveyou.

when will you believe me?...
when will the doubt inside ur heart fade away?
when will you hab confidnt in our relationship again?...
please sweety...
things dun work one way only...
iie need you to be trying hard tgt with me too.
for us, for our relationship.
WE hab to work hard tgt too...
things always work both ways.




i'm so scared just nw when euu talk to me
iie panic.
iie dunno wad can iie say then you'll believe me.
iie dunno how to say.
all iie was doing was bomming wad ever iie can.
but serious...
iie only wanted to type one simple word to you..
and that is...

iloveyou.

becoz, love is suppose to be this simple.
no question, no reasons, no doubts.
just one simple, iloveyou.
didnt u know tt?
i've learn tht from euu.
don't euu remember?
adults always made love seems so complicated with their reasons.
and soon, we, their children learned from them n the drama series.
actually, if u realli look it in a simpify way,
you would see that i love you just becoz you're you.

in my opinion...
things happen to make ppl grown n understands more.
but sometimes understands more doesnt means that its a good thing.
becoz the one that undrstand too much tends to lack the ability of seeing things the simple ways,
which is the most important thing...

sweety, seriously, i'll tell euu how iie feel now.
iie feel xim suan becoz,
iloveyou.
and am happy that 'somehow', u feel the same.
but i feel that iia hab no rights to love you.
but iie understand n know that love is nt about rights or nt.
i am hurt easily by ur words, but iie feel that the pain u suffer is way more than this n that i desearve it and i feel so sorry...
becoz if these few simple words can hurt me just so easily, then wat about the pain i gave u in the past?...
i know that iie 'wan' euu so badly that it has somehow has become "ineedyou" in my brain.
but i'm constandly telling myself that, iie cannot think that way...
because if i do, and if u suddenly dun wan me, i'll fall.
i need to hab more confident in myself.
i must love myself before i can love other.
so that i can hab a better n more stable relationship in the future
that's wad i been reminding myself in my mind.
i've been messing myself up with my heart my brain.
and that's wad i'm very good at.
its like i love you.
but i know i hab to love myself to inorder to hab a more stable relationship.

like today, when iie was in the lift, my hearts jumping very fast.
my heart telling me to gib euu a hug before we part.
but my mind telling me, what if this, what if that...
and end up, i did nth.
damn!...

haiis...

iie feel like not even a thousand words can express my feelings n thoughts.
iie feel like i hab so much to say, so much to express...
but iie dunno how to in words...

who are you?
why onli you can make me feel so weird...
what is this kind of feeling anyway?...

not being with euu make me think of us, the moments n memories we shared...
being with euu make me so happy yet sad at times...
iie feel so not me...
yet i know tis is so me...
relaxe yet tense...
weird..

iie do wonder how beautiful our relationship will blossom if we ever get tgt again.
iie wanna make a DAMN pretty one, with sweet honey n many many little tiny buds, ready to blossome into a beautiful flower again.
hahas.

Do you know that when dolphine fall in love, they stay tgt with their partner for like, forever?...
And they never leave each other at all.
you'll see them swimming tgt even when the mother give birth.
and they're the only creature that can have sex for pleasure, nt only for reproduction purpose.
lols.
random.

iie wanna be like the dolphine.
loving you n staying in love for forever n be with euu where ever you are.
but too bad, we aren't dolphine.
we hab to study n work.
most of our time are usually used up on study + work.

haiis..

sweety.
iie guess most probably i'll be going in ITE.
i know u wan me go in sec5.
and i'm already trying my best too le.
hope iie can make it..
if not...
i'm seriously sorry to disappoint euu.
i'm seriously sorry to be so bad at my studies...
sorry....

if iie got in sec 5.
iie might need to study more.
but iie can go down to TAMP to find euu.
iie dun mind sitting beside euu with a group of strangers.
i'm afraid of strangers but i know you're there with me so i'm aright with it.
iie dun mind just sitting beside euu n study while euu n ur fren do ur stuff.
i'm totally fine with it becoz iie just wanna be beside euu.
iie dun mind if iie dun get along with ur frens or iie dunno what to talk to ur frens about.
becoz i hab euu, and that's enough.
i dun mind just going all the way down to tamp just to be beside euu n do my own stuff...
becoz u're with me.
and iie believe euu will not take me as transparent n i believe u'll show me that u love be but u're just busy.
i believe euu can handle it very well.
iie just need a smile, or a eye contact or just abit of chating.
even a simple:
are u thirsty? are you sleepy? so how's school? anything special happen today? can manage ur study today? need any help? where hab euu been this few days? are you bored?
these simple question can make me feel that i exsist in ur heart an that i'm important becoz no matter how busy u are, you can still spare a little time to care about me.
and that's all i need.
and that'll all just enough to make me feel that it's all worth it. (:

i'm that simple to be satisfy.
iie dun ask for much.

and if iie go to ITE, iie hab plenty more time...
becoz study wont be that hard any more.
it's no longer all about revise but understanding what ur course is about n what u're suppose to do.
iie can go outside ur school n meet euu tgt with ur frens and do the same thing as above.
being beside euu.
(:

iie can go down any time, any where.
a long a i know how to go and as long as it's nt too late already and as long as u allow it.
i'll be there if iie can.

And about my group of frens.
sweety, i understand that kinda of feeling.
especially after hx that kind of thing happen...
it'll feel worst right?...
haiis.
what what can iie do?..
they're my one and only gan family.
no one can replace them.
just like no one can replace euu...
u're important to me but they're also smth i cant live without in my life.
they pick me up when i fall n cheer for me and support me in whatever i do.
when u're nt there for me, they're there for me.
and they're the onli group i turst, i believe in and who share the same mind set as me and who i can coummunicate well with and just simply being myself and who i can rely on when everything falls apart.
i never had such a close group of fren before.
it's like there's this family bond there.
we forgive each other for ALL the mistakes we did.
just like a family.
and we stand up for each other n love having dinner tgt just like a family.
we simply love being tgt IN A GROUP.
and iie can swear i will not fall for any of them.
one is ku ku head + retardart, one gt bad temper + overly kor kor like responsibility problem, one is idian, and one gt gf le and even if dun hab gf iie also wont fall in love with hiimx coz he look to xiao hai zi le, he's my er zi somemore.
so yup.
and besides, we all know each other too well that it's imposible for us to fall in love with.

so hab a little more confident in urself n me.
i believe you can de.
i'll try to go make more female frens.
but iie very bad at communicating with gal as they too "jing ji ji jiao" little thing also wanna blame and ge gao.
very hard to chi hou...
>.<" haiis... okay okay... this post is damn long already. iie dunno what else iie can say to show euu ii'm serious about euu and i love you. it's all about ur decision. iie hope iie would only nee to show euu this blog after you made ur decision about us. iie dun wan anything to affect ur decision. i hope euu think about it thoughly. and make ur choice. i'll go with ur choice no matter wad.



[[_simpily LOVE YOU_]]

[[_i'll love n treasure you, becoz u're my PRINCE._]]

xoxo, Marshmellow wanna be Chocolate PRINCE'S PRINCESS.