losing confident...
losing confident...


how much further am i falling?...

23th post

DarDar, you're now at Chalet.
Hope you're having fun there...

when u told me it's a class outing.
iie feel unsecure all of a sudden...
iie remembered that you told me alot of gal like you and all...
it's nt like iie scared u'll fall in love wif them...
but iie just dun like them near you...
thinking of how close they could be with you and all...
make me feel sad in a way...
jealousy i guess...
they get to be so close to euu.
seeing you almost everyday...
hanging out with euu as a group of fren n all...

i can't...
iie can't be beside you always.
i'm nt able to see you almost everyday.
iie can't hang out with euu as a group wif ur frens...
iie cant...
do envy them sometimes...

sometimes i do wonder...
do you love me as much as u used to?
or is it becoz iie wanted you back badly so u came back?...
if one day i left without a reason, would u chase after me?...
how important am i to you?
what am i to you?
who am i to you?

i know i think alot.
and tt's the bad part about me.
i think alot.
my brain messes my heart up all the time.
and thus creating unnessary problem.

iie always hope for a relationship that is stable, no doubts, and is so close that we can hang out tgt almost everyday, just like frens.
do we lack frenship or smth.
iie remember reading a book saying that in a relationship, frenship is also needed.

what am i thinking.
was going after you a wrong decision?
becoz i'm hurting.u
a little by little, i'm hurting.

it's painful right?
being apart from you is painful.
sitting at home, waiting, while u're having fun with ur frens....
it's painful.
silently, a little bit by a little bit.
it's painful.

damn it.
iie just simplys thinks too much sometimes...

iie wanna take alot alot of photos with euu.
and then learn how to make a blog skin.
then iie wanna make a blog, for the world to see, how much i love you.
but...
i'm worried...
will iie be showing the world how dumb i am by loving someone who love me as much back?...

bad brain~!
thinking n worring too much again...

iie guess iie go sleep le.
i miss you.

Hope you'll hab fun.
i'm still waiting here...
at home...



[[_Never Knew Loving Someone Could Be So Hard & Unbareable_]]

xoxo, Marshmellow

22th post /1

dardar ar dardar...
have euu reach home yet???
i miss you...

iie didn't know you would go goggle n search for this blog...
it feels so different blogging here now somehow...
i dunno...

Today was a SUPER fun & happy day.
being with euu makes me so happy.
euu were always so worry tt i'm sad.
i'm happy. (:

wah~
today hugging euu feel so nice.
iie dun feel so lost n unsecure anymore when i'm holding ur hands.
euu always so warm warm dehhx.

today we went chomp chomp rights?
saw Bing.
then euu like suddenly become so far....
or was it just my imaginations?...

after that you bought so many mam mam.
heng we manage to finish every one last bit of it.
hahas.

we spent like $21.50 on dinner today.
wow.

we then sat bus n went to AMK interchange n change bus to go Yishun.
after that when we reach my blk, we sat down n talk.
am damn happy.

YTD you ton then sleep around 9 in the morning rights?
then later still gotta go meet jeff n shuqi[if never remember wrongly] for lunch.
guess euu very tired le by now....
ai yo...
sorry, iie was so happy to be with you till iie forgot tt u'll be damn tired...
hope u'll hab a good rest tonight.

Tml jai you for ur working wor.
i'll be home missing euu while studying.
(:

xoxo, Marshmellow wanna tell euu, iloveyou.

21th post

dar dar~
how's ur work today?
xing ku ma?
u never reply my last msg.
think euu fall aslp le.
u're tired le bahhs?
rest well wor baobiie. (:

dar dar ar dar dar...
iie very scared lehhs...
if iie never pass, will euu dun wan me?...
come to think about it...
ur study so well n you hab great personality and iie feel that u'll hab a great future...
u attracts ppl with ur cheerfulness and u hab a very strong personality.
iie feel so bu pei ni...
i'm lousy at my studies, i'm dumb n i'm nt a people person.
i'm pratically nt good in anything.
iie feel so degraded.
i've been trying to tell myself to nt look so lowly of myself n all but....
iie feel so useless now.
i hab nth that i can gib euu.
why had euu even fallen for me in the first place?
i'm such a lousy gal...
iie guess euu just haven seen the lousyness in me that time...
what about now?
hab euu seen how lousy i am now?
will u look down at me too?
will euu degarde me unknowly too?
will iie end up like a trash in ur heart that u wouldn't need to bother about me and my feelings
and not even care about me that much n not notice and bother about me so much any more...

iie dunno why
iie suddenly became so negative today.
my motto is "to be positive n have faith n confident in myself"
but...
seriously looking at myself now...
how am iie able to do that?

iie feel so sad now...
iie wished so badly for euu to love me and to by urside always.
but can euu?...
will we?...

iie feel so low on self confident today.
iie wonder is it becoz of my studies and all...
iie dunno...
haiis...
zhe mo ban...



xoxo, Marshmellow Feeling Depress

20th post

WOOT!
the 20th post le.
the post that you've been waiting for wor dar dar.
but i dun think iie will tell euu tt iie wrote the 20th post yet.
hahas.
wanna write more more then gib euu see.

please be reminded that the things written here is all from my heart.
not mind.
tt's why took me so long to write 20 post.



2.40am




haiis...
dar dar...
iie feel so XIM SUAN.
sad n happy dehhx feelings...
iie realli wanna let euu know how iie feel...
but...
iie dunno how..
iie could only express it here.
iie realli wanna let euu read this blog so badly too.
so you'll understand my feelling n all...
but i'm worried...
somehow i'm worried...
wad if u understand it in another way n dun wan me or smth...
iie dunno...
iie may nt be begging for the chance...
but...
i'm sure that....
i miss you...
i need you...
and surely,
iloveyou.

when will you believe me?...
when will the doubt inside ur heart fade away?
when will you hab confidnt in our relationship again?...
please sweety...
things dun work one way only...
iie need you to be trying hard tgt with me too.
for us, for our relationship.
WE hab to work hard tgt too...
things always work both ways.




i'm so scared just nw when euu talk to me
iie panic.
iie dunno wad can iie say then you'll believe me.
iie dunno how to say.
all iie was doing was bomming wad ever iie can.
but serious...
iie only wanted to type one simple word to you..
and that is...

iloveyou.

becoz, love is suppose to be this simple.
no question, no reasons, no doubts.
just one simple, iloveyou.
didnt u know tt?
i've learn tht from euu.
don't euu remember?
adults always made love seems so complicated with their reasons.
and soon, we, their children learned from them n the drama series.
actually, if u realli look it in a simpify way,
you would see that i love you just becoz you're you.

in my opinion...
things happen to make ppl grown n understands more.
but sometimes understands more doesnt means that its a good thing.
becoz the one that undrstand too much tends to lack the ability of seeing things the simple ways,
which is the most important thing...

sweety, seriously, i'll tell euu how iie feel now.
iie feel xim suan becoz,
iloveyou.
and am happy that 'somehow', u feel the same.
but i feel that iia hab no rights to love you.
but iie understand n know that love is nt about rights or nt.
i am hurt easily by ur words, but iie feel that the pain u suffer is way more than this n that i desearve it and i feel so sorry...
becoz if these few simple words can hurt me just so easily, then wat about the pain i gave u in the past?...
i know that iie 'wan' euu so badly that it has somehow has become "ineedyou" in my brain.
but i'm constandly telling myself that, iie cannot think that way...
because if i do, and if u suddenly dun wan me, i'll fall.
i need to hab more confident in myself.
i must love myself before i can love other.
so that i can hab a better n more stable relationship in the future
that's wad i been reminding myself in my mind.
i've been messing myself up with my heart my brain.
and that's wad i'm very good at.
its like i love you.
but i know i hab to love myself to inorder to hab a more stable relationship.

like today, when iie was in the lift, my hearts jumping very fast.
my heart telling me to gib euu a hug before we part.
but my mind telling me, what if this, what if that...
and end up, i did nth.
damn!...

haiis...

iie feel like not even a thousand words can express my feelings n thoughts.
iie feel like i hab so much to say, so much to express...
but iie dunno how to in words...

who are you?
why onli you can make me feel so weird...
what is this kind of feeling anyway?...

not being with euu make me think of us, the moments n memories we shared...
being with euu make me so happy yet sad at times...
iie feel so not me...
yet i know tis is so me...
relaxe yet tense...
weird..

iie do wonder how beautiful our relationship will blossom if we ever get tgt again.
iie wanna make a DAMN pretty one, with sweet honey n many many little tiny buds, ready to blossome into a beautiful flower again.
hahas.

Do you know that when dolphine fall in love, they stay tgt with their partner for like, forever?...
And they never leave each other at all.
you'll see them swimming tgt even when the mother give birth.
and they're the only creature that can have sex for pleasure, nt only for reproduction purpose.
lols.
random.

iie wanna be like the dolphine.
loving you n staying in love for forever n be with euu where ever you are.
but too bad, we aren't dolphine.
we hab to study n work.
most of our time are usually used up on study + work.

haiis..

sweety.
iie guess most probably i'll be going in ITE.
i know u wan me go in sec5.
and i'm already trying my best too le.
hope iie can make it..
if not...
i'm seriously sorry to disappoint euu.
i'm seriously sorry to be so bad at my studies...
sorry....

if iie got in sec 5.
iie might need to study more.
but iie can go down to TAMP to find euu.
iie dun mind sitting beside euu with a group of strangers.
i'm afraid of strangers but i know you're there with me so i'm aright with it.
iie dun mind just sitting beside euu n study while euu n ur fren do ur stuff.
i'm totally fine with it becoz iie just wanna be beside euu.
iie dun mind if iie dun get along with ur frens or iie dunno what to talk to ur frens about.
becoz i hab euu, and that's enough.
i dun mind just going all the way down to tamp just to be beside euu n do my own stuff...
becoz u're with me.
and iie believe euu will not take me as transparent n i believe u'll show me that u love be but u're just busy.
i believe euu can handle it very well.
iie just need a smile, or a eye contact or just abit of chating.
even a simple:
are u thirsty? are you sleepy? so how's school? anything special happen today? can manage ur study today? need any help? where hab euu been this few days? are you bored?
these simple question can make me feel that i exsist in ur heart an that i'm important becoz no matter how busy u are, you can still spare a little time to care about me.
and that's all i need.
and that'll all just enough to make me feel that it's all worth it. (:

i'm that simple to be satisfy.
iie dun ask for much.

and if iie go to ITE, iie hab plenty more time...
becoz study wont be that hard any more.
it's no longer all about revise but understanding what ur course is about n what u're suppose to do.
iie can go outside ur school n meet euu tgt with ur frens and do the same thing as above.
being beside euu.
(:

iie can go down any time, any where.
a long a i know how to go and as long as it's nt too late already and as long as u allow it.
i'll be there if iie can.

And about my group of frens.
sweety, i understand that kinda of feeling.
especially after hx that kind of thing happen...
it'll feel worst right?...
haiis.
what what can iie do?..
they're my one and only gan family.
no one can replace them.
just like no one can replace euu...
u're important to me but they're also smth i cant live without in my life.
they pick me up when i fall n cheer for me and support me in whatever i do.
when u're nt there for me, they're there for me.
and they're the onli group i turst, i believe in and who share the same mind set as me and who i can coummunicate well with and just simply being myself and who i can rely on when everything falls apart.
i never had such a close group of fren before.
it's like there's this family bond there.
we forgive each other for ALL the mistakes we did.
just like a family.
and we stand up for each other n love having dinner tgt just like a family.
we simply love being tgt IN A GROUP.
and iie can swear i will not fall for any of them.
one is ku ku head + retardart, one gt bad temper + overly kor kor like responsibility problem, one is idian, and one gt gf le and even if dun hab gf iie also wont fall in love with hiimx coz he look to xiao hai zi le, he's my er zi somemore.
so yup.
and besides, we all know each other too well that it's imposible for us to fall in love with.

so hab a little more confident in urself n me.
i believe you can de.
i'll try to go make more female frens.
but iie very bad at communicating with gal as they too "jing ji ji jiao" little thing also wanna blame and ge gao.
very hard to chi hou...
>.<" haiis... okay okay... this post is damn long already. iie dunno what else iie can say to show euu ii'm serious about euu and i love you. it's all about ur decision. iie hope iie would only nee to show euu this blog after you made ur decision about us. iie dun wan anything to affect ur decision. i hope euu think about it thoughly. and make ur choice. i'll go with ur choice no matter wad.



[[_simpily LOVE YOU_]]

[[_i'll love n treasure you, becoz u're my PRINCE._]]

xoxo, Marshmellow wanna be Chocolate PRINCE'S PRINCESS.

19th post

DAR DAR~
i'm so happy this two days.
euu msg me alot alot wor.
hahas.
talking to euu makes me happy~

just now talk to dar dar on phone iie damn happy also.
dar dar still as cheerful as always~
but dar dar nt as cute as last time le wor.
think euu zhang da le~
mature le so nt cute le.
lols.
lao liao oh~
hahas.
sometime dar dar sms dehhx style also different liaos.

dardar ar dardar.
sorry iie dunno what u like the most n all.
iie nt good in this kind of stuff.
u know that too since last time right?
but regardless whether i gt remember or know what u like or nt,
it wont affect how much i love euu at all.
i love euu as euu.
euu changed my life n made me learned lots of stuff.
u're always there for me and always cared for me no matter what.
i'm happy n i'm greatful to hab euu.
u're someone special, someone i love.
and iie wanna treasure euu.
from now, till forever.
iie dun wanna do the same mistake again.
euu gib me more that a chance le.

if iie ever get the chance to hold on to euu again, i will.
and i will never wanna let go of euu.
what about euu?...

dar dar~
iie wonder what euu doing now.
enjoying ur supper mahhs?...
iie miss euu wor.
hope euu gt chi bao bao oh~

hao bahhs.
it's pass 2am le.
iie better go sleep le
if not u're so gonna kill me
hahas.
imissyou!!!

hope to dream of euu~
hahas.
muackz! (:

xoxo, Marshmellow dreaming of Chocolate

18th post

DarDar...
why are u talking to me like tt?...
what's with that kind of kou qi...
u never did it before...
am i that irratating to euu?...
do my feelings, sad or happy means nth to u?...
am iie nth to u any more?...
iie know i'm dumb.
iie know i sux at loving someone.
maybe i should just give up....

you can say i'm running away...
mybe iie realli am.
and iie know i am running away.
i know my confident is very low.
and i'm a stupid n lousy galfren.
but iie did atleast try my best to love u now.
and i do.

aiis...
please tell me u love me...
if u do, please do tell me.
iie dun wanna play games with euu anymore...
do u think nt giving me any answer is nt affecting my exams at all?
it is affecting me GREATLY!

becoz iie dunno what iie am to u at all.
u actions seems like u love me sometimes but sometimes it don't...
ur words in msn or sms seems cold most of the time...
what are u trying to do?...
what are u thinking?...

iie cried just now...
iie was realli sad...
as iie see u walk away from the 6th floor...
iie very sher bu de ni...
so iie decided to so call surprise euu.
iie went back down, hide somewhere waiting for the bus with euu.
as the bus came, iie walk down n walk like almost dicrectly beside euu.
the bus move off a little by little.
iie pray hard that u'll see me.
but iie recived ur reply n the bus move off.
u didnt see me...
iie was greatly sad n disappointed that iie couldnt complete the surpise...
iie walk back as iie reply u...
my feet and head felt heavy,
iie looked down n walk back slowly...
feel like crying but i know there's no use crying...
so iie didnt cry...

iie dun wanna tell euu coz iie wanna try to surprise euu again...
and end up, u say that few words...
and it hurts me...
iie cant stop crying...
all iie wanted was to just surprise u.
and iie failed...
aiis...
nvm...

for a moment there, iie feel like gibing up...
but maybe, nt that much any more...
iie still wanna try a little bit more...
but iie dun feel as much motivated as before le...
but i'm still hanging on...
but iie dunno how long iie will hang on any more...

why are u so hyper just now, running here n running there.
jumping up n down n walking i circles n all...
u seems so hyper...
what's wrongs...
iie know smth's wrong...
what's wrong???
what were u thinking at that point of time...
what were u feelings?...

what are u thinking all this while man...
what's wrong with euu?
iie dun understand what u trying to do any more...
aiis...
iie feels so unimportant to u when we're nt face to face.
iie feel so unsecure...
aiiss...
as i'm writing this, i'm also cying little by little...
it took me very long to finish blogging this...
becoz my eye's hurting n all.

aiis...
today i felt realli happy with euu.
face to face, we were realli happy.
but why are u so cold to me when we're not face to face?
am iie realli asking too much stupid question?
is caring for u, missing u and wondering what u're doing, have u eaten n all a stupid thing to do?...
if yes, i'll stop...

regardless what, thanks for teaching me chem just now.
it did helped me greatly...
thanks. (:

i should go sleep soon...
i'll stop here.

[[_why is loving someone so hard_]]
._loving someone who dun love you IS HARD_.

xoxo, Marshmellow wished to be Chocolate's PRINCESS; iloveyou.

17th post

*yawn*
sleepy~
dar dar, imissyou.
iie realli do...
everytime wanna msg euu also feel so tempted to call euu dar dar...
so tempted to say even sweeter things to euu...
but iie very scared that iie will scared u off or smth.
but i'm still trying my best to let euu trust me...
iie realli dunno how...
iie realli dunno...
and iie dun hab confident to win ur trust back at all.
but iie wanna atleast try as hard as iie can and hope so much that one day, u'll see it.
(:

dardar ar~
dar dar~
iie very sleepy ar~
but iie can't help wanting to talk to euu so badly...
miss you.
realli...
haiis...
iie very scared iie do things that'll make euu nt like me...
will iie make euu feel that i'm boring n plain?...
i'll try my best to not make euu feel tt way...
but, iie just feel so nervous around euu...
will we nt work out any more?...
everything feel so different..
i'm worried...

today as iie see the video of my cousin's marriged, iie remember the day when i went to meet euu on ur sister's wedding...
iie forgot why iie decided to meet euu.
but that day...
iie was realli happy.
u always made me feel so happy n bless.
u made me feel different.
i always feel so like myself when i'm with euu.
what about euu?...
do iie make euu feel stress all the time?
do iie make euu feel sad most of the time?...
iie guess do...
haiis...

is it realli time for us to let go?
will we ever be the same again?
i'm worried...
very worried...
haiis...

today iie was wandering, if we would ever be as happy n blissful as my cousin?
our love is weak now...
damn weak...
iie feel like crying, iie feel like giving up n move on...
because this is gonna be a bloody hard n bumpy road...
but iie dun bare to lose euu...

please help me too...
help me tell me if its realli time to let go...
please, save me...

iie wanna write alot alot gib euu see.
but iie feel very very tired...
damn sleepy, after writing this, i'm going to sleep le.
tml meet euu n CP n XueLin jie jie to go study.
its gonna be a stressful day again tml.
iie gotta fight to concentrade n learn n memories n even fight againest my own emotions towards euu...
super tiring...
i've learn well, how to lie to myself but, compressing my feelings down n all...
is realli hard especially when i'm with euu...
iie always tends to feel like exploading it all out...
i'm sorry if iie keep excusing myself off somewhere tml like how iie did on thursday.
becoz i'll be exploading myself off somewhere else...
even though that does nt help much...
but iie dun wanna expload myself infront of euu.
i'll hang on...

JIA YOU SHUWEI,
because iloveyou.

xoxo, Marshmallow misses Chocolate WangZi.

16th post

baby, you meet me n CP out to study today...
when iie called CP, she told me you told her that you'll be free everyday& anyday...
but you told me u were always busy...
i'm sad...
your door are closed for me.
i'm sad...
iie know i'm the one to blame.
but...
i miss you...
& i love you...
& i PrOmIsE you,
if iie ever get the chance to hold on to you,
i would never wanna let you go ever again, Never Ever.

haiis...
iie guess, i can only try harder.
to show you that.

baby, when u told me what u wanna told me ytd.
iie was kinda sad but the msg give me strength too.
iie realise iie wasnt trying hard enough to show u that i care.
to show u that i'm trying my best.
to show u that i'm still waiting for u.
so, yup.
i will nt gib up yet.
iie wanna hold on for as long as i can.
so untill then, i'll try my best.

10.54pm

baby, iie feel kinda sad today.
you seems so close but feel so far...
i'm very scared that iie might nt be able to reach you.
iie dunno if iie can even reach euu at all.
you seems so far n hard to reach.
i'm losing confidence somehow.

but when ever iie got reminded how much iie love u and how much i wanna try my best, iie dun feel like gibing up any more.
coz iie realli wanna gib it all iie got to show u that i'm serious about us this time.

SHUWEI, GAMBATTE!

i'm going to sleep soon, then iie go school tml.
then iie come home, bath n rest abit then go night class at 5pm.
then 8pm come home, bath n rest abit then go revise then 11pm or so, go slp.
friday same thing.
sat n sun chiong.
hahas.

GAMBATTE!!!

and lastly, ILOVEYOU!

xoxo, Jasmine wanna tell euu, i love you badly dar dar~

15th post

baby, iie was so happy when euu msg me today.
that was alot alot~
damn happy.
sorry the study thingy took me so long to reply.
iie was tinking how can iie reply this.
iie know i am wrong, but what can i do to change it?...
and so iie took a long time to think as i'm damn tired.
and so, yup, as i PrOmIsEd...

*i will not go out anymore untill after N levels.
which is 3 weeks later.
i will use the time i hab to chiong study.*


baby, today iie finally understood why i could love two guys at the same time.
You n Hx.
Hx is like my ex.
an un-finished story.
a mistake that i make.
iie didnt end it clearly.
i'm sorry...

you are,
someone who is here for me, to heal me and to love me.
someone who is the one i should love.
someone who i should treasure.
but iie was a fool to not see it.
that u were like my guardian angel.
u stood still even at the most painful blow i gave u.
believing in me, believe in us, in our love n relationship.
iie was realli touched n grateful, and iie kinda regretted.
but seeing the pain i gave you.
iie was afraid to make the same mistake again.
afraid to hurt someone else like how iie did to u.
i'm sorry,
iie was DUMB.

iie kept asking myself.
why do i love two person.
i know i used to be flirt.
i know i used to like attention from guys.
but i'm so sure that, both of u are nt becoz tt i'm flirt.
both of u are special oto me.

and now, i finally relise.
he is my special past.
and u are my special present n maybe even future.
that's why,
i do love hiimx.
but i do love u.
becuase he was my past n iie tot he was my present.
becuase u were my present n future but iie was a fool to not relise it.

iie was so obsess of being heartbroken, and everyone keep telling me that its my fault.
and even he, ever since we patch, everything seems to be my fault.
iie felt depress.
iie tried to work hard in that relationship.
but no matter how hard iie try, nth changes, no one sees it.
it was always me, my fault, i'm wrong n dumb.
so when me n hx broke up, iie was depress...
realli depress...
iie feel like iie didnt did my best,
becoz i was dumb, becoz i cant make him happy, becoz i cant entertain him n make hiim smile.
becoz i always cause hiim troubles, becoz iie didnt understand hiim, becoz i wasnt pretty, becoz i wasnt cute, becoz i wasnt something he can be proud of, becoz iie was a lousy gal fren...
iie feel se low.
iie think negatively and never tired looking clearly at the bright side.
that u were the one there for me.
by my side.
waiting...
i was too blind to not relise it.
and drown myself in faults n blinded myself that iie didnt notice the one special person is actually right before my own eyes.
You.
Ng Chen Wee, Huang Zheng Hui.

and so, i've lost u.
and when iie finally woke up.
i realized all the mistakes i've done.
and lessons i've learn.

baby, i want euu to be the only one who has the key to my heart.
i've gib euu the ability to decide my future.
and the ability to have my happiness.
please dont throw it away.
becoz, i believe in you.
becoz, i know u're the one.
becoz, i dun wan another.
so please, dun make me think i made the wrong choice.
dun let me believe that i believed in the wrong person.

xoxo, Marshmellow days without Chocolate.

14th post

baby, today was realli happy that we msg quite a bit more.
Guess euu wasnt that busy, tt's why.
but i'm happy, reali happy.
but baby, u'll never msg me if iie dun msg euu.
why?...
nan deduka?...
haiis...

baby, iie guess u're no longer intrested me and no longer take me as anything anymore.
i'm damn depress.
damn sad...
but guesss, iie gotta move on...

baby, there's this two guy, a NS 20 year old n a 18 year old guy jio-ing me.
but iie rejected.
why?
cause iie feel like the only person left that has my heart key, is you.
and no one else....
i miss you baby.
but iie know its time to its time to let go.
and i will...
but iie still wanna atleast wait till after N level then realli give up.
iie wanna believe in you and myself a little more longer.
atleast untill after my N levels.

haiis...
iie just dun feel right with any other guy.
iie dun feel right at all...
you're the only one iie need.
the only one iie miss..
and the only one who are unlock my locked up heart.

guess iie realli locked myself up this time.
and iie realli did.
iie usually by ow, iiw ould hab gotten over someone and already stead...
but, iie never feel so weird before.
iie wanna be love.
but iie wanna be single too.
becoz, iie dun wan another.
if its not you.
no one else can get me tt easily.

now in my head.
yeah, i'm single.
and i know i'm nt pretty.
but iie wanna dare who ever wanna come jio me.
becoz i know it wouldnt be that easy any more.
i've learn alot.
i've learn how to love n who to love.
and iie believe u're the one who i love.
and only you can take the place.
please, assure me that i'm right.
dun like me think iie believe wrongly.
please...

xoxo, Jasmine misses you WangZi.

13th post

baby, this few days we like never contact at all...
why?...
am i not worth ur attention?...
iie need ur attention...
iie understand u gt ur own life and am busy.
haiis...

baby, i'm losing confident...
haiis...
i'll jai you till after N levels alrights?...
i'll hang on n wait till after N levels...

That day why u say wubmgf?...
are u the one who type it?
or was it someone else...
haiis...
iie dun understand u any more realli.
what am iie to u?
how important iie am to u?
what are ur feelings towards me?
plz...
answer me so iie can understand n know it.
iie dun wanna keep habing this questions in my head.

baby, iie realli gonna gib up after N levels.
iie opened my door too long.
waited for u to enter.
but cold wind blows in and its getting cold le...
iie dunno how long can iie stand it any more...
but untill then, i'll be waiting...

as days passes n the lesser n lesser u contact me...
iie felt lesser n lesser confident...
iie feel no attention from u.
iie feel that i'm nt needed...
i had nt cross u mind at all any more.
i'm nt important.

baby, no matter what happens.
u had always been the one that cross my mind everyday.
i've been thinking why too.
u are always someone iie wanna count on, someone special, someone important.
iie hate it that way...
why u?...
why nt panda?...
why u?...

haiis...
iie know iie dun deserve you...
iie know iie dun...
but...
love isnt about deserve or nt...
its about, feelings...

baby, i'm nt craving for u nor ur love.
iie dun need you.
iie can live properly even without you.
but, iie choose to want u....
iie choose to need you...
what about u?...
tell me ur answer so iie can let go if u dun feel the same way as iie do.
iie dun wanna hang on for nth.
its hurtful n its hurting me...

):

xoxo, Marshmellow in pain.

12th post

baby, i've been doing practising maths these few days.
seems like you're the only one who can teach me properly.
i'm relying on u to teach me wor~

baby, i miss you badly today.
morning you say u might be able to meet me to teach me.
was realli happy.
but end up u at night say u're busy.
guess its alright...
Hope you'll hab fun tml on whatever u're doing wor. (:

baby, i'm studying hard for my own sake.
but its also thansk to you that iie am working hard.
u're teaching me well n ur encouragement helps to motivate me too.
i'm so happy to hab u still helping me so much.
even though iie know u're out of reach le.
but, it still makes me happy a little knowing u're still there for me.

if this is a dream, i wish iie wouldnt wake up.
i'm nt greedy...
atleast let me sleep till after my N levels.

i'm willing to suffer the pain of loving someone just to love you.

xoxo, Marshmallow love Chocolate.

11th Post

baby, iie just finish bathing...
thanks for being there for me again today.
iie tot we wouldnt meet up again.
was realli happi.

no words could describe how happy i am right now.
iie hope iie didnt do any stupid thing that'll scared u away...
basketball sure was fun. (:
how long has it been since we've played basketball?
damn long...
thanks for teaching me maths too.
^^

baby, iie still dont understand how important i am to you.
who am i to you?
but its okay...
i'll wait as long as iie can for da answer.

baby, i'm still feel sad, in a way...
iie cant say it out what it is to you.
becoz i know its dumb..
even though, she's my best fren...
but, she seems so close to you.
i'm jealous...
haiis.
jelousy do kills too...
iie know iie dun hab the rights...
but...
>.< style="color: rgb(255, 102, 102);">

baby, there's smthing important that iie wanna say...
ut chat to euu till forget le..
>.<>

xoxo, Marshmellow missing Chocolate...

10th post

baby, my heart is filled with disappointment.
i've been waiting for euu the whole morning.
iie know u're tired.
iie know u needa sleep.
but...
haiis...

iie know the disappointment iie gave u in the past is nth compare to this...
but baby, it hurts...
iie know iie deserve it...
iie know iie deserved it...

baby, the hurting of my heart just grew bigger n bigge day by day...
when will my feelings get to you?
when will u understand how much i'm craving for ur love?
when will u understand how much iie need you.
the you that love me...

baby, u've changed.
u realli did...
haiis.
it hurt...
it hurts....
u're different now...
it hurts knowing u're no longer the same...
u're no longer the dar dar iie used to know...

iie am the one who make tht dar dar gone right?...
i'm sorry...
iie deserve it...
iie know...
iie know iie deserved it...

aiis...

sometime iie just wanted to give up so badly.
but i cant.
because, iie can never lie to my own heart.
iie can never stop my heart to do so...
iie cant control myself.
iie know clearly that its impossible for us le...
iie know clearly that the love u had for me will never come back le...
iie know clearly that that dar dar will never come back le...
but iie cant stop myself from wanting to be near you.
even though i know, the more iie try to get close to you, the more it'll hurt.
what hurt the most, is being so close...
haiis...

xoxo, chao da Marshmellow. ):

9th post

baby, last night iie watched our memory video.
iie couldnt stop re-watching it over n over again.
iie miss that us.
the free n happy us.
no pain, no sorrows, no fear, no scars, no worries.
the only thing we know was that, we loved each other very much.

what about now?
do u know how much i love you?
do i know how much u love me?
do u know how important u are to me?
do i know how important i am to u?
NO.
we don't.
we no longer understands that any more.
nor do we understands each other any more.
neither are we opened up for each other,
nor are we ourself any more.

there's stuff tht we wanna do n stuff that we should do.
following the heart is important, but following ur knowlegd is as important too.
knowlegd doesnt mean what's for the best but applying what u learn from ur heart.

baby, iie know u're afraid of being hurt.
i'm nt asking anything from you.
but please, know what u wan n what u're doing.
and do make it clear to me about ur intentions.
iie dun wanna gib myself fake hopes anymore.
iie know u dun wanna hurt me either right?
so please, make it clear for me...
u're decided which path of life i'm walking to too.
help me out on this. ^^

haiis...

baby, i'm looking forward to tml.
infact, later.
we meeting up rights?
i'm so excited.
we're gonna study math till 3 then go eat sakae sushi n then go study again, after that, we're going to BASKETBALL~
iie hope iie wont bored you out wor.
coz iie still very noob at basketball.
hahas.

baby, i'm always waiting for ur msg.
but iie dun get my hope to high.
becoz iie know u wouldnt always msg me nor would u always reply me long long or happy happy dehhx msg.
sometimes, u wont even reply.
but its okay.
i understnd dehhx.
u might be busy or u just gt nth to say or reply.
i understand. ^^

iie remember last time, no matter what, u'll always reply me dehhx.
and our msg always go boom dehhx.
hahas.
dar dar always so sweet n cute.
we always chat till so happy.
u were always there fer me.
i thank u alot for being there.
i'm sorry iie couldnt be there fer u.
and even broke ur wings.
i've learn to break stuff.
but now, i'm trying to learn to heal.
iie hope that u can fly again, once more, so that u'll be free n happy.

[[_baby,iie wanna heal ur broken wings, so that you could fly again_]]
._even if no one heal's mine_.

xoxo, Marshmellow wont be completed without Chocolate.

8th Post

haiis...
iie feel sad...
in pain...
iie feel that we're impossible le.
i'm trying my very best to gib up le...
but sometime iie cant help but give in to my feelings of missing you.
but, it always hurts...
what's wrong?
smth's wrong.
i can tell by the on n off mood between us.
is it all becoz of the trust part?

iie know iie dun deserve ur love at all...
but iie cant's help it...
my heart's craving for it...
i'm dying for it...
i wanted ur love badly...
but, i know u're in pain so u cant give it to me.
iie know u no longer know what's real n what's not from me.
i understand that feeling.
iie realli do.
iie realli do undestand the feeling of trusting someone but end up findin that u had trust the wrong person all along..
u wanna be able to trust them.
but u'll feel that u're no long able to trust them like hw u used to.
u dunno what's real or nt.
u'r afraid of being hurt once again.
u wanna be loved by them n to love that person so badly too.
but, there'll always be this unsure feeling.
somehow, it feels the same but different in a way...
u're no longer sure if that person is the one u loved any more.
everything just feel so weird, so unsure, so unsecure, so unreal, so confusing, pain n happy at times but it all seems so... weird in the heart.

iie understand...
haiis...

baby, as iie type these, my tears are rolling down my face.
i'm nt asking for pitiness in this way.
iie just wanna tell euu, iie understand, iie can feel that kind of pain too.
iie can't promise u that iie wont hurt u any more or we'll last forever.
but, baby,
i can promise you that,
i'll love you...
&
i'll treasure you...
and that's a promise for sure.

xoxo, Marshmellow misses Chocolate alot alot...

7th post

baby, iie kinda understand now...
iie think...

iie wont be trying hard to get you to love me.
iie wont be trying hard to get you to be touch by me or smth.
i will be trying to be ur fren.

i'll be sad if u hab gf.
but iie wont complain a thing.
wo hui zu fu ni de.

i'll move on, i'll walk on. (:

i just gotta tell myself that everything's gonna be alright.
i'll be alright. (:

6th post

baby, i'm so happy to meet euu just now.
iie saw u from a distance n my heart skipped a beat the second iie saw euu.
iie actually wanted to gib euu a surprise by scaring euu.
but iie didn't know how to...
so iie could only follow behind euu till euu found out...

sorry for being so quiet...
iie didnt know what to say nor what to do...
iie feel lost.
my feeling's all mixed up...
aiis...

thanks for being there by my side guiding me on studying my SS.
if not iie wouldn't know what to do.
but iie still dun hab the confident in going i sec5.
dun hold too high hope for me...
iie might disappoint euu...

what if iie dun get in?...
will euu nt want me any more?...
iie might nt know how to face euu if iie cant get in...
iie might nt know how to tell euu if iie failed...
aiis...

i was so shock when ur face gt so close to me several time.
iie didn't know what to do.
you made my heart skip a beat everytime euu get so close.

this sounds so mushy n embarrassing but...
when you kissed me just now, iie kinda feel like melting.
as in like, iie melt in ur kiss.
it was totally like a dream....

baby, every time euu became gentle n sweet to me, iie felt bless.
even though this does nt last for long today...
but it sure makes me happy.

baby, i'm confused n worried.
you seems different...
i'm scared...
what if i'll never get the same euu back again?...
the gentle, kind, patient,sweet and cute euu.
somehow, it doesnt seems to appeared any more...
why?...

have i lost that euu?...
aiis...

even though iie lost that euu...
but iie dun wish to go back to the past.
iie did regret losing euu.
but after all this confusion, i've learn alot of stuff.
and most importantly, i've learn how to treasure and love euu.

but baby, if its time to let go, iie will.
but if euu ever come back when i let go, i will open my door n welcome euu in with my warmest love.
i'll love n treasure euu.

baby, when we're gonna part our way just now...
iie felt damn sad...
it hurts...
coz iie can feel the different in euu, even though i understand u're rushing.
aiis...
hao sher bu de ni...
but iie know we gotta part.
we go our own life...
aiis...

when will things ever be th same again.
maybe not now, or maybe not forever...

the love is seek is...
to be love by the one i love not love by the one who i made hiimx love me.
iie wanna be love n needed by the one i love n needed.
i would be his eyes when he cant see and he shall be my brain when iie cant think.
we shall create our own happiness n walk through the saddness n pain tgt.
we shall stand strong tgt.
nothing is impossible when we both truely love each other.

will we ever be possible?
will we ever be the same?...
somehow, iie feel that, we'll not...

please tell me we can go through this tgt.
aiis...

xoxo, Jasmine hearts Wee.

5th post

Baby, i've been waiting for u the whole morning...
Guess u're dead tired due to last night supper...
Glad that you had fun...
It's alright...
It doesn't matter...
As long as u're happy, i'm fine with it...
i'm not ur galfren any way...
i cant and wont stop you dehhx...

baby, i've been missing you the whole day...
today iie had period...
it's the first day.
its hurting me like hell.
luckily i have the big box of panadol menstrual pain that u bought for me last last month.
if not i'll be long dead.
Thanks dar dar. (=

been strengthless n moody the whole day.
no appetite and no mood to go meet my frens for mahjohn in the evening.
been missing you.
so happy that u msg me several time what i'm doing.
this prove that iie did cross ur mind right?...

aiis...
sometie iie dun feel important to you...
is it a good thing?
or a bad?...
its a good thing as that proves that u wont be hurt so much by me any more.
its bad as it proves that i'm no longer important...

haiis...
well, i'll be trying hard n waiting for da day that everything would be the same...
i gave myself a goal.
To try my best till 1st NOV 2oo8.
If nth changes and improves...
i'll stop.
becoz iie dun wanna become a bother to you.

baby, when iie msg or msn u, u didnt reply, i'll NEVER balme you.
i'll wont tell euu tt euu didnt reply me either...
becoz iie understand u have ur own life, own fren, own stuff to attend to...
so iie wont mind and i'll not bother euu till euu talk to me urself...

baby, iie dun msg euu that offen nor talk to euu online when u're on doesnt mean iie dun miss you or i'm busy...
iie do miss you alot and wants ur attention so much...
but iie dun wanna bother you on wht u're doing...
iie just want euu to enjoy what u're doing..
i'll always be free to talk to euu.
just hit me back when u're free.

baby, i'm worry that if iie give in too much...
u'll not learn how to treasure me...
iie know u're not that type of person...
i'm just worried...
coz, this is how human mind works.
really!....

baby, iie realli wish we could be like last time.
i'll treasure euu and u'll treasure me.we'll do things for each other.
iie can finally go out longer.
iie wanna spent more time with euu...
iie wanna spent more happy moments with euu..
iie wanna create more happy memories with euu...
iie wan you and i to feel much more happiness and bless that what we had in the past.

baby, iie just wanna say...
ILOVEYOU, INEEDYOU & IMISSYOU.
i hope u feel the same way too...

xoxo, Jasmine hearts you.

4th post

I'm currently waiting for you to come back online...
where have you gone to?
what takes you so long?
have euu forgotten about me?...
smth wrong with ur com?
or is it the internet?
or had u fallen aslp?

where r u?...

2.30am

u just msg me that u went o0ut with ur frens...
guess u had realli forgotten about me le..
guess iie rarely come across ur mind le...
you've learn to get over me le.
maybe iie realli should just leave euu as it is...

aiis...
tell me what iie should do...

xoxo, Marshmellow hearts Chocolate

3rd post

baby, iie miss euu badly today...
Today's ur last paper right?
did euu go enjoy urself after that?
how's ur paper?
i believe that u'll do well dehhx.
you've been working hard with sleepless nights.
i know u'll pass dehhx.

enjoy urself now wor.
u deserve it after working so hard for so long for ur studies. (=
enjoy ur holidays wor.
i just hope that u'll stay so cheerful and happy everyday.
i'm so glad u're still the same you.
because i love the way you always were. ^-^

4.07am

realli didn't realise its this late le...
just wen offline...
euu keep asking me go sleep coz later gt gym...
but wo bu she dehhx...
iie miss euu...

everything euu say Bye bye iie always very scared there won't be a hello...
and what if tml euu or iie suddenly busy then dun hab tml how?...
zhen dehhx hen bu she dehhx say bye bye....
haiis...

hao xiang ni ar....

Wed, during my FnN paper, iie gt plenty of time left so drew smth on the back...
was thinking about euu most of the time...
wondering if we realli could meet on friday.
Guess afterall, we can't...
But iie understand why narhhx...
coz ur fren bday mahhs. (=

my fren also bday today.
we slack around the merlion there.
as iie stared at the sea, iie thought of euu.
how nice would it be if we could be here tgt, side by side, ejoying the sea view n sea wind.
we can take lots of pic tgt.
chat tgt.
and hold on to each other. (=
iie just wish euu where there with me...
>.< onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFGVJooREkZlUPgEyuLlIijDnV7EtAvZ1Kt3zwvEAChwur0Asv9dUxWIFwW6lVBaZvMd3zzMIV22EZ7tEKps6l5Lj9jGO2vyhN2XzTEuLV1VqGqPY1mZCmtB48Gc0qn-miF98SP85CfPQ/s1600-h/DSC01499.JPG">
i'm so glad i found someone who accepts me as who i am no matter how childish i am. (:

iloveyou. (:

xoxo, Marshmellow hearts Chocolate

2nd post

IHATELOVE.
why can euu control my feelings so easily.
why why why?
idiot.
this hurts.
even though its just a small thing, it still hurts like hell.

GOD DAMIT!
who can save me man...

i miss u...
ytd as i sat bus to bugis with my fren, iie listen to this song on my blog.
iie recall lots of stuff....
iie remember the day we sat bus from orchard back to yishun.
DAMN long.
but...
the at moment somehow seems wondrful...
becoz euu were there wif me...
iie was realli glad iie had euu wif me...
seriously...

iie realli dunno anymore.
are we still possible?
or are u just keeping me hanging on so that i will listen to you to get good grades?
if that's the case, please dont!
iie dun need that.
it'll be meaningless after that aniway.

i'm sorry...
iie know even a thousand sorry wouldnt change anything...
or stop ur heart from hurting...
but still...
i'm sorry...
realli sorry..
dui bu qi...
zhen de dui bu qi...
gomeanasai...
hontoni gomeanasai...

even though euu keep asking me not to think so much n concentrade on my studies...
iie can't....
iie realli can't...
even when doing exam...
dunno why, thoughts of euu will pop out suddenly.

euu lahhs.
tag me say if iie run top 10 euu will meet me.
then i that day test half way suddenly go imagine that if iie meet euu what will happen...


12.48am.

talking to euu on webcam always make miie realli happy...
dunno why.
how long can this typy of happiness last?...
why onli when we're on web cam then euu always like so nice to me?...
normal chatting like weird weird dehhx....
online chat without webcam always kinda stress...
euu lways tends to not express ur happy or nt dehhx.
always sounds so shiong...
iie very scared lehhs...
aiis...

but after chating with euu online wif webcam...
iie feel alot more happier.
very happy now.

i wanna noe u're happy around me...
if nt, i'll always feels like gibing up...

please tell me...
do u wanna gib up or nt...

dun keep me hanging on...

[[_Baby, ineedyou in my life_]]

oxox, Jasmine <3 Chocolate
>

1st post

iie dunno what's wrong with me either.
why iie created this blog to dedicate it to hiimx?
crazy...

iie wan hiimx back.
but iie feel like iie dun deserve hiimx.
iie know now no matter how much iie say iie miss hiim and how much iie say iie need hiimx.
he wouldn't believe it.
After all the pain...
who would?...

iie kept telling myself iie should just gib up.
He have better life without me.
There's also pretty girls who likes him.
And i'm sure that they wouldn't hurt himx the way i did.

iie know we will never be able to be the same again.,.
Will we?...

Ppl been telling me, he just needs time.
We need time to slowly recover n think about it.
yeap.
i agreed.
i can wait.
but iie dunno how long can i wait.
not becoz iie will fall for other guys or smth.
just that...
missing you realli hurts sometimes.
Sometime iie feel motivated.
sometime iie dun...

Do you know you're the one that can control the smile on my face n in my heart damn easily?
iie dunno why, since a very long time ago.
it has been that why.
leaving you make me feel guilty and sad and painful in a way.
but iie dunno why iie still choose to leave euu.
dumb isn't it?.

iie knew it.
iie should have close the chapter of me n hx long ago.
becoz iie left it unfinished...
everything was disturbed.
i'm sorry.

haiis...
everything iie said won't do any different any more...

Is there any solution where by both of us could be truely happy?...

[[_iWantUsToBeHappy&Blessed_]]

xoxo, Marshmellow <3 Chocolate