15th post

baby, iie was so happy when euu msg me today.
that was alot alot~
damn happy.
sorry the study thingy took me so long to reply.
iie was tinking how can iie reply this.
iie know i am wrong, but what can i do to change it?...
and so iie took a long time to think as i'm damn tired.
and so, yup, as i PrOmIsEd...

*i will not go out anymore untill after N levels.
which is 3 weeks later.
i will use the time i hab to chiong study.*


baby, today iie finally understood why i could love two guys at the same time.
You n Hx.
Hx is like my ex.
an un-finished story.
a mistake that i make.
iie didnt end it clearly.
i'm sorry...

you are,
someone who is here for me, to heal me and to love me.
someone who is the one i should love.
someone who i should treasure.
but iie was a fool to not see it.
that u were like my guardian angel.
u stood still even at the most painful blow i gave u.
believing in me, believe in us, in our love n relationship.
iie was realli touched n grateful, and iie kinda regretted.
but seeing the pain i gave you.
iie was afraid to make the same mistake again.
afraid to hurt someone else like how iie did to u.
i'm sorry,
iie was DUMB.

iie kept asking myself.
why do i love two person.
i know i used to be flirt.
i know i used to like attention from guys.
but i'm so sure that, both of u are nt becoz tt i'm flirt.
both of u are special oto me.

and now, i finally relise.
he is my special past.
and u are my special present n maybe even future.
that's why,
i do love hiimx.
but i do love u.
becuase he was my past n iie tot he was my present.
becuase u were my present n future but iie was a fool to not relise it.

iie was so obsess of being heartbroken, and everyone keep telling me that its my fault.
and even he, ever since we patch, everything seems to be my fault.
iie felt depress.
iie tried to work hard in that relationship.
but no matter how hard iie try, nth changes, no one sees it.
it was always me, my fault, i'm wrong n dumb.
so when me n hx broke up, iie was depress...
realli depress...
iie feel like iie didnt did my best,
becoz i was dumb, becoz i cant make him happy, becoz i cant entertain him n make hiim smile.
becoz i always cause hiim troubles, becoz iie didnt understand hiim, becoz i wasnt pretty, becoz i wasnt cute, becoz i wasnt something he can be proud of, becoz iie was a lousy gal fren...
iie feel se low.
iie think negatively and never tired looking clearly at the bright side.
that u were the one there for me.
by my side.
waiting...
i was too blind to not relise it.
and drown myself in faults n blinded myself that iie didnt notice the one special person is actually right before my own eyes.
You.
Ng Chen Wee, Huang Zheng Hui.

and so, i've lost u.
and when iie finally woke up.
i realized all the mistakes i've done.
and lessons i've learn.

baby, i want euu to be the only one who has the key to my heart.
i've gib euu the ability to decide my future.
and the ability to have my happiness.
please dont throw it away.
becoz, i believe in you.
becoz, i know u're the one.
becoz, i dun wan another.
so please, dun make me think i made the wrong choice.
dun let me believe that i believed in the wrong person.

xoxo, Marshmellow days without Chocolate.